We have decided, as we move forward that going through the state for our paperwork and other such hoops, is the best option for our family. After meeting with the social worker, at my kitchen table, the feeling I got from her was overwhelmingly warm, and inviting. We discussed what it would take to become a parent to a ward of the State, or any other child for that matter.
The list is long.
What we found out is that essentially all avenues; agencies, private, state....etc. utilize the same general standards for adoption. You are required to show ability in being able to raise a child. The difference with going through the State of Utah, is added requirements. One of which is a class. We are required to take parenting classes, specifically on how to parent a child with trauma. The word "trauma" spilled out of the social workers mouth like it had taken up residence on her tongue. Through her line of work she had said it a million times, but to me, it's sharp. Extremely sharp. I just so happen to be the mother of a little boy, who has suffered extreme trauma already in his short life, despite my tireless efforts to prevent it, and protect him. I know beyond any shadow of a doubt that the class is not meant for parents who have lost a child, but more for parents who plan on raising a child who has experienced hardship. The hardships range anywhere from mild neglect to severe physical, sexual, and emotional abuse. The way the child will react varies dramatically from child to child. I want to take the class, for Weston......for me.......for any children I may be able to mother in the future.
Although I would like to claim to be an evolved adult, who has come a long way in life; I feel as though it is ignorant to stand on such a pedestal. We all have something to learn, something to help us grow on an individual level. Seeking it out, in the form of education, spiritual search, or any other manner really shows our willingness to be humble.
I am humbled by life.
I am a student of this ever changing universe. I stand in gracious awe on the beach, and feel the shore wash out from under me....just to rediscover it again, and again.
I look at parenting in a similar way. The child you raised today will be a different child tomorrow; a day older, bigger, stronger, faster and hopefully more capable. You grow together. It's a great reason to look at every day as an individual moment in time, suspended and waiting to be grabbed. If you miss, the sun will come up again tomorrow, keep grabbing.
I guess the point of this rant is patience, and perseverance. I'm willing to put in the work, be patient, and let the sand wash away.....but I want another child.
As far as the pile o'paperwork goes, we have started on it. Working through each page, making certain that we have considered all aspects of bringing another child into our lives. Our certification classes will start in December, and we will complete all of the necessary hoop jumping by then.
For subsequent posts, I think I will expand on some of the questions we are asked in the paperwork, to give a more in depth response to the questions that I can't possibly answer on a three line answer space.Some of which are extremely in depth questions, such as religion, philosophy, outlook, etc.
I love you all.
Carrie Mae
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