Staring at the sun

Dear Future Birth Mamma.

I thought about you today. I think about you every day. I have thought about what I would say to you on the day my baby is born, the words never come out right. So in a meager attempt to not butcher them, I'm going to try it now while I'm not in the haze of the moments. Forgive me if they are not the right words. No one prepares you to show this type of gratitude, or provides the right vocabulary  to express the level of appreciation I have.

Maybe this is counting the chicken before it hatches................here it goes.

People go through this life looking for miracles. In great tragedy, people look for silver linings in order to cope. I look at miracles like Galileo did. Every morning the sun warmed his face, redundant, consistent, predictable. Although the Greek had regarded the sun as a "heavenly body" it went unstudied. Galileo was fascinated, he saw it as incredible and grossly understated.  This man studied the sun almost religiously. While under house arrest for heresy Galileo used a piece of bent glass (that he discovered) to see the sun in closer detail. He is responsible for the discovery of sun spots and identifying critical characteristics that are regarded as strong scientific theory still to this day. Even with the modern technology, Galileo is regarded as the leading scientist in stellar astronomy.
This man went blind.
Blind.
This man went blind in the study that proved that the sun was in fact.....not perfect.The heavenly body was flawed. Dark spots covered the surface in irregular patterns. In addition to "disproving" the Grecian view of the sun, he also proved that the earth was not the center of the universe. It could be said that his life work refutes miracles by making the magnificent and heavenly......normal.

I think we have missed the mark in our interpretation.

Why can't they coincide as truths.

 A flawed/heavenly body.

If we consider the the average to have the potential of being heavenly, we have an opportunity to see life in a different light.
If we sit around and wait for heaven, anticipating some level of perfection, we miss the beauty in the mistakes. Shadows don't cause darkness, standing to warm your face in the morning sun will cast a shadow, creating darkness where light is absorbed. The dark is part of the light. One can't exist without the other.

Knowing great pain provides opportunity to know great love.

This is going to hurt you.

Being the mother of my child is going to cause you great pain. You are staring at the sun. If I had the opportunity to provide a shade for you, I wouldn't. With great pain, comes great love. I can't understand the depth of this for you. Nor would I ever pretend to.
Only time will be able to provide for you what you need for your heart to feel anything other than blaring hurt. I will do whatever I can to support you through this, even if that means sliding out of sight. Whatever it takes, I will do.

Please don't ever forget that in your darkness, great light is absorbed. This is a divine gift you have given our family. A gift that is second to none, and never question for a moment our gratitude and love for you. To me, you are a heavenly body. To me, you are perfect.

I won't let you down.

With unconditional love and appreciation,

Carrie Mae